Child Whining
Whining is common in young children and can be very irritating for parents. Whining is often begins while learning the polite ways of making requests or about accepting the inevitable No-s of life.
Teach your child how to speak nicely by setting a good example. Try to speak calmly and pleasantly in front of your child. When your child speaks nicely and asks for things in a polite way, praise them and give them your attention. It is particularly important to praise children when they speak nicely without being reminded. “Thank you Ryan for using your nice voice” or “It is so nice Sarah to hear your pleasant voice.” Children are more likely to repeat the new desired behaviour when it receives positive feedback.
Begin managing whining by giving your child an example of what you would like them to do. “ Jenny, say ‘Mommy, may I have a drink please ?” Use a pleasant voice and simple words that your child can say. If your child follows your example and asks nicely, give them positive feedback, “ That was nice asking. Well done. ” In the future, when your child has learnt to ask nicely, you can remind them to use speak politely by saying “ Pardon? ”.
If your child still does not ask nicely, provide a logical consequence. The most appropriate consequence is that your child does not get what they asked you for. You haven't asked nicely. The TV stays off for 5 minutes. Try again then. Five to 10 minutes of missing out on an activity or privilege is usually long enough. Ignore protests or complaints. Do not argue or debate the point with you child. Simply and calmly carry out the consequence.
Once the time is up, if your child has stopped whining, thank them for being quiet and give them an opportunity to ask nicely for what they want. This is an important part of the teaching. If your child asks nicely, be sure to comment positively, “ That was a very nice voice ”, and decide whether the request is reasonable. If your child does not ask nicely, repeat the logical consequence for a longer period. Ignore any further whining. You may need to use logical consequences a number of times before your child learns to use a pleasant voice and ask nicely for what they want. In fact, your child's behaviour may initially get worse when you change your response to whining so it is important to remember to stay calm and consistent.
When your child uses a pleasant voice, respond to their request. Do not say Yes or No until they have asked nicely. Sometimes you will need to say No even if your child has asked nicely. Learning to accept No is an important part of growing up. If the request is reasonable, praise your child for asking nicely and give them what they want. If you need to say No , praise your child for asking nicely, then refuse the request in a calm voice. That was nice asking Sarah, but dinner is soon so you cannot have a cookie now . Suggest something else your child can do instead – You can go finish your game until dinner is ready. If your child whines in response to being denied what they want, turn away and pay no attention until your child stops whining. If you ignore the whining for awhile then give in, you will be teaching your child to whine longer and louder to get what they want. If you decide to say No , stick to your decision. Being consistent will teach your child you mean no when you say No.