Telling Kids What To Do
As children grow up they need to learn to follow instructions and requests. After all, one of the most basic human communication skills that we learn through childhood is to respond to instructions and rules appropriately. As adults this ability helps us learn new skills, keep out of dangerous situations, abide by the laws of our community, and carry out tasks on behalf of others. The instructions we give to children can be used to stop particular behavior, such as “Stop pulling the dog’s tail” or used to initiate some action, such as “Pet the dog gently instead, like this.” So why is it that I sometimes see parents who describe their children as ‘stubborn,’ headstrong,’ or ‘determined’ and for whom every bath, mealtime, family outing, shopping trip or car ride is a stressful battle of wills with raised voices and frayed tempers? When children refuse to cooperate with parental requests, the reason can be related to how those instructions have been given.
Over time, a certain pattern of instruction giving and responding may develop that will virtually ensure a child will refuse to follow instructions most of the time. If this happens, you may need to seek professional help. To prevent it happening, parents should be careful not to fall into several common traps when giving instructions Too many.